Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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