Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
