I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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