i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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