just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
