Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
