I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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