Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize
