I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
