I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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