Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
