I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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