finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
