They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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