My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
