Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i believe in u and ur pee
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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