On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Randomize
