Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
