Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
