do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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