whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
