if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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