And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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