Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
