you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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