Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
