I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
