and next time when you feel me up, do it right
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
