But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she pinky promised me she was 18
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
