I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
