I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
