New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize