her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
