At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
