The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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