not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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