Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
