I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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