Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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