I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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