and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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