I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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