her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
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I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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