I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
