For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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