Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
