i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
