Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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