I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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