K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
