I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
