Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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