Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
