so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
