Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
