I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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