I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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