Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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