I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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