oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Fuck appropriateness.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
