Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
