So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
