Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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