I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
