i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
