Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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