guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
