I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
