Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
